Life-as-a-wife survival kit

God sure has a sense of humor. It still cracks me up almost daily that He had the idea to create man, then create woman, make us COMPLETELY different and say "Ok, live together for your entire life. Play nice. Love each other. I'm here when you need me. Good luck." 

Sometimes I think marriage needs a survival guide. Specifically, I need a survival guide (or kit) as an army wife. So today is my appeal for  either 1) every man getting married to give their wife the following kit, 2) every woman getting married to get this kit for herself or 3) for the army to standard issue the following items to all army wives everywhere. 

But before I get into the actual life-as-a-wife survival kit, I would like to address the survival kit needed for married men, military or otherwise. I am sure they are already feeling left out, and we certainly wouldn't want that. 

So here is the basic supplies needed for dudes in an I-wanna-be-a-husband-in-a-joy-filled-marriage kit. 

1. Food. Any kind will do. 

2. Shelter. Any kind will do. Preferably warm and dry. 

3. Beer and/or TV. Not any kind will do, and amounts with vary per man. 

4. A passionate wife. Why? To um, ahem, satisfy, eh, their, er "urges." (If you don't get this one... ask your spouse. I am sure he can clarify.) 

Welp. That was easy. 

Now, back to the life-as-a-wife survival guide in reverse ranking order. (United States Military, I hope you are paying attention. Seriously. This should be standard issue when anyone marries into any branch of the military. I will be waiting by my mailbox.) 

(Note: These of course are hypothetical. They certainly aren't based on MY experiences at all... right.) 

10. An upright punching bag. With accompanying hand wraps and gloves. There will be frustrations in marriage... and this is a healthy way to, um, release some tension without taking it out on your beloved. It works. Or so I've been told. 

9. Chocolate. Any kind will do... some might prefer a mint-chocolate combination, or dark chocolate varieties. 

8. Kleenexes. Emotional roller coaster breakdowns can happen at any given moment. I have known wives (again, not myself of course) to end up sitting on the couch tearing up a boxes of Kleenex telling their husband as she gasp's between sobs "I...(gasp)... don't... (hack)... know... (snort)... why... (sniff)... I'm...(honk)... cryinggggg... (waaaaaa!) *Also useful for happy and/or Holy Spirit tears as well. Those too are very common. 

7. A wine glass. I have hypothetically been told that some wives don't always even drink wine out of the glasses. A wife last week perhaps kinda sorta drank Diet Dr. Pepper out of a fancy wine glass. Wives are all about feeling elegant and keeping it classy. Do what it takes. 

6. A bathtub. This is best used for life-as-a-wife survival tool if combined with #9 and #7. (Just add steaming hot water and bubbles.) 

5. Tylenol.  For recovering from #8 and other semi-stressful and/or overwhelming experiences. 

4. A movie/TV show filter. Sometimes as a wife (especially army wife) we need a magical filter that blocks certain shows or movies from our viewing. AKA films that involve war, adultery, excessive tears, etc. They are seed planters and can be super un-survival-ish. 

3. A positive go-to person. This can be a friend, neighbor, mom, family member or fellow wife. When the husband is either the cause of the issue OR is not available (which is often the case), wives need to have a pep-talker on-standby, even if it is via phone, internet, text or Skype. 

2. A sense of humor. Marriage can either be stressful and painful or hilarious. Choose the latter option. It is way more fun... and WILL help you survive. (ESPECIALLY in the military.) 

1. A Bible... and the faith to go with it. This is easily the most important of all the survival supplies on this list. When our husbands are gone, busy, preoccupied, confused, deployed, injured, uncertain etc, we have ONE to lean on, and that is our Father in Heaven. Ultimately to survive as a wife and live in a joy-filled marriage, we must FIRST be married to HIM. Be so in love with God that your husband has to seek Him to get to you. And allow your husband to lead in your walk. 

Keep the faith-- it will ultimately lead you to both survival and revival of your marriage. 

Living and loving my life-as-a-wife, 

SGK

"Stay with God. Take heart. Don't quit. I will say it again: Stay with God!" Psalm 27:14 MSG

Marriage on "The Rock"

Big news from the entertainment world, America. Are you sitting down? Ready? 

Another celebrity marriage has failed. 

Yep, Kim Kardashian's marriage has failed after 72 days. Honestly, I have never watched her show or anything associated with her other than the commercials that sneak in between whatever program I am watching. But the "news" of her divorce is all over the media, so it's hard to miss it. Which started me thinking... 

I am not going to judge her and get all fire and brimstone... Because my mom always told me not to play with matches and I am not even sure what "brimstone" involves. But the fact that I was completely not surprised by the failed marriage actually took me by surprise. It saddened me. What has happened to us that we are no longer SHOCKED about marriages that fail? 

In 16 days from this writing, I will turn 26 years old. I can name off the top of my head at least five couples around my age-ish (many younger) that are already married... and divorced. If I actually thought about it, I bet I could name so many folks that have gotten divorced that I would run out of fingers and toes.  Every time I see a friend's status on Facebook switch from "Married" to "Single" or hear about a pending divorce, I get knots in my stomach. I have literally sat WEEPING over Facebook pages looking at the broken hearts of those getting divorced. 

I wish we were still at a place where people splitting up within marriage WAS big news... but sadly, it's not. A lot of folks get married for the wrong reasons. They are physically attracted to each other, get along with each other, are compatible, etc... These are all important to be INCLUDED, but cannot be the sole reason for walking down the aisle. Because life happens and things change. If the marriage isn't based on something stronger and deeper, they too might be another "status changing" victim. 

One of the main reasons I hear of why people get divorced is because the other person doesn't "make them happy anymore." Guess what? They aren't supposed to make you happy. Sure, it would be great if you enjoy marriage (and you will if it is based on a solid foundation) but if we were happy all the time with no changes, challenges and struggles... then that would be HEAVEN. And we aren't there yet. Life sucks sometimes... and divorce isn't the answer. 

Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 "To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife."

That being said, let's take a look at the "traditional" wedding vows: 

I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

Note the bolded words. These "traditional" vows mean what they say... Not how people sometimes "modify" them in their head: 

I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold for a little while, for the good times and rarely the challenging times, as long as we always have enough cash, whenever we feel health and morale is good, to occasionally love but reserve the right to ignore you if needed from this day forward until I get bored, unhappy or something better comes along.

Big difference huh? I would like to think you are shocked by what I wrote... but I believe the second set  of vows are heartbreakingly true for so many couples in this world. Marriage is a wonderful, sacred and blessed experience given to us by God but yet we change it to make it a potential source of pain. 

There are a few very rare and potential biblical exceptions for divorce,  such as adultery (ish), abuse, and being "yoked" (together) with an unbeliever.  This topic gets WAY sticky and would require at least another blog post (or twelve) to cover. Know that I'm not condemning those who have divorced. Not at all. God still loves ALL of us, unconditionally, no matter what. But consider what marriage truly means... Jesus doesn't divorce us from his love whenever we mess up or make him "unhappy." 

I want to encourage those who ARE married to evaluate where your marriage is built. Is it built on Christ, the solid rock? Or some other characteristic that is like sinking sand? It's not too late to get on the rock. For those of you single folks, understand the gravity and awesomeness of marriage, so that if you are called to be married, your eyes, ears and heart will be open and ready to build it on The Rock. 

Realigning the sanctity of marriage (especially in this country) seems like a tall order. It isn't going to happen tomorrow... but remember that a quick bailout in the form of divorce isn't the best immediate solution. Instead of running away from a marriage on the rocks... pray and seek to built it as a Marriage on THE ROCK. 

A "ROCK-y" marriage is a good thing, 

SGK 

PS-- Please, please let me know if I can help you in any way-- via prayer, marriage resources etc... I'm not a pro by any means, but I want your marriage to succeed... not simply become a statistic! Let's celebrate our Marriages on THE ROCK! 

A Butterfly Year

We've been married one year yesterday.

WAWHOO!!! One down, somewhere between 49 and 74 more years to go!! :-) Now, for all you anti-romantics out there, don't go sipping that haterade too early... This isn't gonna be a gushy, mushy, so-sticky-sweet-that-it-seeps-through-your-screen-and-ruins-your-computer post about how much I love my beloved Brandon and how lucky I am to have him in my life (although I do and I am!)

Instead its going to be almost practical. (Or at least that is what I am shooting for.)

Marriage is... interesting. For all of my married friends, you can probably attest to that. For my single readers, buckle up. You are in for an adventure!

My present to my beloved... Not to fry
turkeys... but to boil his malt & hops
for his home brew. Apparently, its a
new Knobloch hobby. 

As I was reflecting on this past year, I wanted to come up with a single word to describe it. But words like happy, romantic, awesome, lovey-dovey (that's one word-- the hyphen doesn't count,) sweet and educational didn't quite cut it.

In one word, the first year of marriage for us has been TRANSFORMATIONAL.

It was a growth opportunity for both of us. And not the kind of "growth opportunity" that I reference when something was a total nightmare and I am just trying to be optimistic. Rather, we have truly GROWN this year-- not only as a husband and wife, but also as Christians.

We based our marriage on 1 John 4:18-- "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." Thanks to trusting the Lord, this transformational year has certainly been that: transformational.

Brandon and I were talking the other day about how God has changed both of us and Brandon used the word "metamorphosis." I don't know where exactly we are at in our metamorphosis as a couple-- I am hoping that we aren't one of those scary awkward caterpillars with the horns and huge eyes, but I also know that while it has been a "Butterfly" of a year, we aren't quite at the beautiful, soaring butterfly state yet. Not sure if we are still wiggling around in our cocoon or if we are a baby butterfly with wet wings... but check back with us in the year 2060 and hopefully we will be in our optimum soaring state.

God has transformed our hearts by placing changes in our physical lives that we have had to work through (think: butterfly struggles to get out of the cocoon... but all that work makes it STRONG! Same for our marriage)

"Physical" transformational gifts God has presented in the last 365 days 

(which resulted in A LOT of Spiritual transformation):

• October 2, 2010: WEDDED BLISS!! Depart for honeymoon in Rome, Italy.
• November 2010: He called me to go back to school and get my masters.
• January 2011: Brandon leaves for Drill Sgt School
• March 2011: I fly out to SC to see Brandon graduate DS School
• April 2011: I resign from a job I love as we prepare to leave our home and head to Georgia.
• May 2011: We arrive in Georgia. Just the two of us. Zero friends present. Adopt a puppy.
• June 2011: God leads us to Christ Community Church and Brandon begins his first full cycle as Drill Sgt.
• July 2011: I beg Kelli to let me serve somewhere within the church; I become her intern. Gradually start making friends.
• August 2011: Cycle graduation. I start blogging. We start praying specifically for people daily. God is working overtime on our hearts.
• September 2011: Our prayer life grows. I become FRG leader for Foxtrot company. CCC Women's retreat. More profound transformation.
• October 2, 2011: Happy Anniversary to us. Thanks, God!

Our cake tastes even better than last year!
Or at least I am able to slow down
and taste it this time. 

He calls me "Lover." I call him "Beloved." We have eaten our year-old wedding cake. (Don't worry-- it was in the freezer, and I think the sugar got even more concentrated. YUM) We have exchanged gifts. But most of all, we have been transformed by Christ teaching us how to base our marriage on Him, the unchanging, everlasting solid rock on which we stand. For then next 49ish years (or however long God keeps us on this earth) we pray that God, through His grace, will make each year a "Butterfly year" and transform our minds by living out the instructions from the word: 

"Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage." --Ephesians 5:22-28 (MSG)

Serious husband points. Thanks Brandon!
You are kind of my favorite... <3 

Thank you to everyone who has prayed, pep-talked, cheered for us, supported us, ministered to us and loved on us, even from a distance over the last 365 blessed and PRECIOUS days. GOD IS SO GOOD! Praise Him! We are beyond blessed and incredibly undeserving to have a Christ-like marriage that is "More Precious than Rubies..." 

Here's to many more Butterfly years! 

Loving our cocoon, 

SGK 

"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned." --Song of Solomon 8:6-7

Squeaky Clean & Lemony fresh

My house is *currently* clean.  Please excuse me for one moment as I do a happy dance. 

Ok, I'm back. I don't really like to clean. Seriously, ask prior roommates (Kally Hood-Smith, specifically) and they will back me up on this one.  I mean, I will TRY to keep a slight handle on the clutter and do dishes often enough to avoid growing anything fuzzy in my sink, but as far as deep cleaning, I really need an outside reason to make it happen. Thanks to being brought up by my wonderful mama, my motivation is found when "company is coming." 

My sister Kathleen and brother-in-law are currently en route  to spend a few precious days with us. So a large portion of my Friday was dedicated to cleaning this house plus or minus, top to bottom. About a month ago, my beloved parents-in-laws came down, which resulted in a cleaning frenzy so extensive that my husband lovingly yelled down the stairs from his own personal bathroom: "Sharita, sweetheart... WHY does my bathroom smell like FLOWERS?!?" (I am submitting my name for "Wife of the Year" for tackling THAT man zone of ickyness.) 

Floral fragrances aside, I don't necessarily clean for those people coming... Honestly, they could all care less if there is a spot on the mirror in the bathroom or the carpet hasn't been vacuumed in two months. I do it for the feeling of relaxation... I can focus on their company and take pride in this house God has blessed us with. 

Just like that awesome fresh feeling after a clean rain to replenish the air, a hot shower to wash away the sweat from a workout, or a florally-smelling bathroom... God has done the same for us with the sacrifice of His son. 

One of my favorite songs to sing while I am cleaning is "Nothing but the Blood" by Matt Redman. Check out the chorus lyrics: 

What can wash away our sins?

What can make us whole again?

Nothing but the blood

Nothing but the blood of Jesus

What can wash us pure as snow?

Welcomed as the friends of God

Nothing but Your blood

Nothing but Your blood King Jesus

God loved us SO MUCH that he didn't just volunteer to clean our house, do our dishes, send rain or give us a bath. He sent his His beloved Son to DIE for us via a painful death on the cross so that we might have a hope for a future with Him. I can barely wrap my head around that. 

The blood of Jesus is the ONLY thing that wash away our sin.  Let's rejoice in that clean, fresh feeling today. His blood has made us make us squeaky-clean and lemony-fresh in a way that we could have never achieve on our own! 

Cleaned by His Grace, 

SGK 

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin." --Psalm 51:1-2